Umm, punching your pilot…?  Not a good idea.  Bye, bye birdies, you’re headed for jail instead of SJU.

I concur.

Ever wonder how you managed to miss your flight by giving yourself only 40 minutes connection time for an international flight (not to mention in the world’s busiest airport during hurricane season) when you booked online?

Short answer: you didn’t use a travel agent.

Why not?  They’re free!

I am interested to hear which flyer behavior annoys YOU the most, so I have added a few of my own to the list provided by USA Today and hope you will take the time to make your voice heard!  Then, perhaps, you and I can come up with a new, more comprehensive bill of rights to keep annoying passengers in line!

I’m not sure which I like best…the right to bear arm rests (yes, that is the barrier between you and me, Mr Creepy) or freedom from unreasonable aromatic assault (yes, your tuna fish sandwich is making its presence known a full ten rows behind you, Ms Hungry).

Do you have a favorite, or anything to add as a passenger?  I was thinking of “The Right to Concise Pilot PAs”.  It would read something like this:

“No passengers shall, in time of flight, be subject to Public Address Announcements from pilots who can’t keep it short, or who mumble (causing ear strain when passengers want to verify it ISN’T an emergency announcement), or who hold the microphone too close to their mouth (creating static or blasting the overhead speaker system, jolting passengers from sleep).  If passengers wish to know where they are every five minutes, the passengers would prefer to look at the moving map on the video screens, rather than hear your beautiful voice Mr Pilot, thank you very much.”

[Stay tuned for the Flight Attendant Bill of Rights.]

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44023853/ns/travel-news/

“The FAA numbers don’t reflect all the cases of inappropriate behavior, said Les Dorr, a spokesman for the agency. Crew members are used to experiencing the wrath of passengers who are frustrated by delays and missing baggage. Sometimes, these incidents aren’t severe enough to be reported to government officials.”

Nothing breaks my heart more than to see the hundreds of children we transport during school holidays who have to travel alone.  Prepare a child to travel alone and they won’t feel alone.  Don’t prepare that child and he or she will most definitely feel alone, and most likely afraid.

Can you imagine sending your child on a 12-hour journey with no food, no money for food, no sweater or coat to keep them warm (it may be spring or summer but it is always cold at 35,000 feet), no way to contact you or whoever is picking them up on the other end, and nothing to keep them entertained?  Of course not, you are a good parent.

But I see this happen all the time.

Parents…you can’t check your responsibility to be a good parent like you do with luggage.  Your child is traveling alone, sometimes for a full day,  on planes that no longer offer food (or charge for food), get delayed due to weather and get cold at altitude with no blankets to offer.  They charge for nearly every form of on-board entertainment and have just one flight attendant for every 50 passengers (so hence, they cannot be your child’s personal child-sitter).

Please prepare your children well to travel.  We love having them on board and want to have their experience be a happy and exciting one, not one that is frought with worry, fear and concern.  Keep them warm, fed, entertained and with a way to contact you or someone on the other end.

For more information on unaccompanied minors, see http://airtravel.about.com/od/childrenandairtravel/tp/UnaccompaniedMinors.htm

No, I was not a glutton for punishment. I just had a desire to see the world that was so strong, that I told myself I was going to have to get over it (or waste countless days I could spend sightseeing crossing oceans on ships or continents by train).

I know that every time there is a major incident or accident involving an airplane, it stirs up a lot of people’s worst fear: fear of flying.

Thankfully (I won’t say “fortunately” and explain why in a minute), due to Capt. Sully Sullenberger and his crew’s competence, the recent successful ditching of a US Air flight in the Hudson River, helps us all feel a little better knowing there are exceptionally competent, courageous and skilled pilots steering our nation’s aircraft.

This was no act of fortune, it is in all parts due to the crew’s skill, thankfully.

The training I received as a flight attendant not only taught me exactly what to do in a ditching, but cured me of any fear. I would like to share some of what I learned with you…but first, I would like to know what scares you, the reader, most about flying.

Please take the time to complete the following quick poll. Thank you!View This Poll

You can hear the conversation between US Air (“Cactus”) flight 1549 here (the recording has some silent spots):
\"We\'re gonna be in the Hudson\"

Here you go…have a good laugh!

Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one (a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs).

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P ) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S ) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And, as always, saved the best for last…

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.